It’s been said to me that at times my responses can come across as a “no” first-unintentionally, of course, but real all the same.
Not long ago, someone on my team shared an idea they were exploring. I began with a caution, meaning to help them avoid a pitfall I’d learned the hard way. I followed up with suggestions and examples from my own experience. From my perspective, the conversation went smoothly. Only later did I learn, through someone else, that it hadn’t landed that way. They felt dismissed.
That realisation surprised me. I had genuinely believed it was a supportive, collaborative discussion. The truth is, there’s a gap in my self-awareness-a blind spot around how my words or tone might shape someone else’s perception. My intention was to guide, but the impact was to discourage.
I’ve been working to bridge that gap. Thinking has become my best tool so far-slowing down just long enough to consider how I begin a response, to pause before speaking, to ask a question instead of offering an answer. Curiosity softens the space where instinct once jumped in.
Lately I’ve also started ending my days with a short “catalytic retro.” Ten to fifteen minutes to quietly revisit the day’s interactions and decisions, asking not just what went well but what landed wrong. Wins tend to speak for themselves. It’s the misses that offer the real insight, if you’re willing to see them.
That small pause between intention and impact-that’s where growth lives.
Next time: When Accountability Feels Like Blame
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